Thursday, August 12, 2010


I know, I know.  It's been too long.  But rather than us chatting poolside, attempting to catch up on the last six months...imma just go ahead an jump on in like we never missed a beat.

I have to admit that on more than one occasion I've had one of those caught naked dreams.  Crazy enough, it's the same exact dream every time.  I'm in a grocery store by the meat and cheese section.  I'm carrying one of those hand baskets, then suddenly a draft from the deli section seizes me and I realize all eyes are on me. Basket drops.  Hands immediately cover the goodies, and like Forest Gump, I take off running.

Although it seems like ages since I've had that dream, that familiar feeling of involuntary over exposure hit  And although it would be much more publicly humiliating to be caught naked in a grocery store, I must admit that being caught emotionally naked comes in at a close second.  Well, before I go there, maybe I should confess.  Yes, good people... I (capital, bold, italicized). Am. Open. Over someone Incredible. But today, catching a faint breeze from his cold shoulder has me thinking about lacing up my Nikes.

But like Andre 3000 in The Morning After, I find myself scrambling to figure out what he's thinking and how I really feel.  Do I really want this? Is he even the picture I paint him to be?  "Be cool, be cool...but what if [he's] the ONE?"  Ok, the scenario wasn't exactly the same.  No need to worry, Mom.  No, there was no girl searching for her panties. Pause. However, I did start breaking my own rules...*bbm can't look face*

Ladies, do as I SAY and not as I (lost my damn mind and done) DID:

1) Don't bring him around your friends until you've met his.
2) Don't even talk about him to your family until you've met his.
3) *MOST IMPORTANT* Don't drop any "L" word until he's said it first.
(I said I lost my damn mind...)

Why are these rules?  Because acting otherwise will have your tail out, exposed and more vulnerable than you'd ever want to be.  TRUST.

Once upon a time, HE was open over ME...and I walked away.  This time around, I was so fixated at going in 100% no boundaries, earning his trust, proving myself and rebuilding something beautiful, that I forgot to protect ME.  So here I stand, fully (emotionally) exposed, and he's chillin at the door in his coat, hat and shoes! Perhaps it's my fear of rejection (Dear Lord, please grant me mercy because I think I've already suffered through my fair share), or just impatience.  But right now, all I want to do is escape this foolish feeling and move on to the next (default setting). I've wasted enough time tilling barren soil.  All these seeds I've been it too much to want to finally see something beautiful grow (and LAST)? Absolutelynot.

(Grabbing a sweater) But I can't run away just yet.  I still believe.  So I guess for now, I'll grab a cup of mint tea, plop my tail on the couch and tuck my pride (and Nikes) away.  Hopefully soon he'll take off those layers and sit next to me.  Hopefully. Soon...  

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