Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Unless you are blissfully happy...and unless you're in a place where I want to be (happy, married, financially stable with children)... or unless I ASK...stop offering me advice on how to live my love life!
We all have expectations, dreams of grandeur for the ideal mate...but if anyone has tried every possible pathway to happiness, read every book, overturned every rock, and nursed every ounce of possibility and potential, it has been me. What did I learn? To stop trying to force a square peg in a circle hole. To stop searching, and allow things to BE ("kun fa-yakunu" Quran, 36:82). To let go and let God.
And now, I've literally fallen into something special and rather than being able to freely celebrate this refreshing moment...and this smile etched into my face...I'm left to address the naysayers. *side eye*
I am muslim, he is christian. And although I admit, this difference can present a challenge...this isn't our challenge. And although it seems on the outside looking in the focus is on our theological differences, he and I are on the same page. Our disagreements are about whether or not a tv belongs in a bedroom (and it most certainly does NOT) and where the hamper belongs...not on faith in our relationship...present or future. We're actually, extremely solid and secure. He says I look phenomenal in my scarf...and rather than exchange Christmas gifts, we have chosen to make New Years our shared gifting holiday. I rock with his family traditions, norms and customs, and he rocks with mine. We say grace together in english and arabic...but most importantly we're really happy with our blended culture.
What about the kids? Seriously? Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Respectfully, I think everyone should focus on their own children, and we will do the same for ours. There are many more factors that can result in a confused, maladjusted child other than different religions. And any theologian will tell you, when assessing moral obligations and values, monotheistic faiths are more similar than different. But most importantly, I think my married L.A. girlfriend said it best "You could marry your brother, who was raised in the same household as you, and still have different views on faith, family and marriage". There are more dimensions for a healthy successful relationship than how we worship. Both my parents were muslim and after 26 years, divorced. I'm sure we all know several marriages that have failed. How many divorces do you know were due to differences in religion, culture or race? I'm sure it exists, but I honestly don't know any. Nope...actually, the couples I know are still married.
Admittedly, my mother even expressed her worries (deeply rooted in her fear that some smooth talking man will come along and sweet talk her daughter out of her panties). However, after giving her my speech about celebrating a beautiful moment, trusting the 30 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER she raised, and not clouding my joy with her endless worries, I think she too has come around to share in my happiness. "What if everything happened the way it did so you two could meet?" she asked me recently. *big victory smile*
We all have a right to find our own happiness, defined by our own terms...not limited by the constraints, expectations, prejudices, fears, personal desires of others...regardless of who our naysayers may be. True love is rare, but true love is real...so excuse us as we continue on this beautiful journey despite the rain. This parade is nowhere near over. *My pumpkin pulls out an umbrella* Plus, I have someone making sure I stay dry to enjoy every moment.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I recently took the plunge, good people. Wait, that sounds a little bleak.
Take 2: I recently leaped, on faith, into (drum roll please) a RELATIONSHIP. And like my brother said, it's not official until it's on facebook. So as my status reveals, I am officially in girlfriend mode. No more theory, wanting, wishing or dreaming...my knight in shining armor has arrived...full in living color.
I know you're wondering who he is...Remember Silly Puddy? Mr. Ringtone? (October 21st) He (my once secret crush), is now fully (adorably and unbelievably) committed to me. Yes, the little man in side of me is doing back flips. *blushing* I wish I could say I can take full credit, but truthfully, we fell in sync so harmoniously I have to look to the heavens as the grand orchestrator of this connection. He is a dream, and he has driven this relationship and plans for building our future together so sincerely that he leaves me speechless. He adores things about me no one has ever even noticed before...the bump on the bridge of my nose, the intonation in my voice when I tell a story, and especially my random phrases like "little brown babies" or when I call him "pumpkin". When he visits my desk in the morning, he calls me "stunning" as if he's never laid eyes on me before. Me...the same old girl, with the same old look every day. I've been given compliments before, but not like his. "Stunning" was definitely a first...and it makes me melt every time.
But for some reason, although I've leaped out there with him...I'm completely afraid. I have taken all the other irons off the fire, so he's absolutely the only one, without regret or remorse. BUT how many times have I landed here? How many times have I fallen quickly into a too good to be true? The fairytale with the unhappy ending? Men who fall in love with me quickly, but out of love with me faster? What the hell am I doing wrong...and what the hell do differently to keep the best one yet? He doesn't understand my apprehension because he has never felt this way about anyone else. So here I am scrambling, trying to get my mind right, so my hesitation doesn't adversely affect our relationship and his conviction that we are meant to be...because I want to believe it too.
First, it was my hesitation to put our relationship status on facebook, then meeting our families, and most recently posting pictures of us on facebook. The CRAZY part is the OLD me, would have been complaining because my guy DIDN'T want to do those things. And now, when I have a man who does, I don't know how to act! It's not that I don't want to publicize this incredible connection I have with my pumpkin, it's just I don't want to look like a fool if...well, you know. So living in our bubble is bliss. Safe, secure and free from judgement, outside opinions, unsolicited advice and PRESSURE. I don't want to be asked "Is he the one?" or to be told "Just take your time" or to be questioned about our marriage plan, religious/lifestyle differences and how will we make it work. I don't want people to distract me from loving my life, and him...from enjoying this moment with my friend who I'm also lucky enough to have as my man.
So as we continue to build and perfect our "we", inevitably I will move closer to bursting the bubble...opting instead to free fall into love with someone who is so deserving. I'm getting there...I just hope he is patient with me. But something this great is hard to contain, so I'm sure very soon, I will expose our happiness freely with all who care.. Plus, hiding is for pu**ies anyway, and imma thug. *mean mug, b boy stance*