Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Don't Rain on My Parade
Unless you are blissfully happy...and unless you're in a place where I want to be (happy, married, financially stable with children)... or unless I ASK...stop offering me advice on how to live my love life!
We all have expectations, dreams of grandeur for the ideal mate...but if anyone has tried every possible pathway to happiness, read every book, overturned every rock, and nursed every ounce of possibility and potential, it has been me. What did I learn? To stop trying to force a square peg in a circle hole. To stop searching, and allow things to BE ("kun fa-yakunu" Quran, 36:82). To let go and let God.
And now, I've literally fallen into something special and rather than being able to freely celebrate this refreshing moment...and this smile etched into my face...I'm left to address the naysayers. *side eye*
I am muslim, he is christian. And although I admit, this difference can present a challenge...this isn't our challenge. And although it seems on the outside looking in the focus is on our theological differences, he and I are on the same page. Our disagreements are about whether or not a tv belongs in a bedroom (and it most certainly does NOT) and where the hamper belongs...not on faith in our relationship...present or future. We're actually, extremely solid and secure. He says I look phenomenal in my scarf...and rather than exchange Christmas gifts, we have chosen to make New Years our shared gifting holiday. I rock with his family traditions, norms and customs, and he rocks with mine. We say grace together in english and arabic...but most importantly we're really happy with our blended culture.
What about the kids? Seriously? Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Respectfully, I think everyone should focus on their own children, and we will do the same for ours. There are many more factors that can result in a confused, maladjusted child other than different religions. And any theologian will tell you, when assessing moral obligations and values, monotheistic faiths are more similar than different. But most importantly, I think my married L.A. girlfriend said it best "You could marry your brother, who was raised in the same household as you, and still have different views on faith, family and marriage". There are more dimensions for a healthy successful relationship than how we worship. Both my parents were muslim and after 26 years, divorced. I'm sure we all know several marriages that have failed. How many divorces do you know were due to differences in religion, culture or race? I'm sure it exists, but I honestly don't know any. Nope...actually, the couples I know are still married.
Admittedly, my mother even expressed her worries (deeply rooted in her fear that some smooth talking man will come along and sweet talk her daughter out of her panties). However, after giving her my speech about celebrating a beautiful moment, trusting the 30 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER she raised, and not clouding my joy with her endless worries, I think she too has come around to share in my happiness. "What if everything happened the way it did so you two could meet?" she asked me recently. *big victory smile*
We all have a right to find our own happiness, defined by our own terms...not limited by the constraints, expectations, prejudices, fears, personal desires of others...regardless of who our naysayers may be. True love is rare, but true love is real...so excuse us as we continue on this beautiful journey despite the rain. This parade is nowhere near over. *My pumpkin pulls out an umbrella* Plus, I have someone making sure I stay dry to enjoy every moment.