Sunday, December 19, 2010

Bursting the Bubble

I recently took the plunge, good people.  Wait, that sounds a little bleak.
Take 2: I recently leaped, on faith, into (drum roll please) a RELATIONSHIP. And like my brother said, it's not official until it's on facebook.  So as my status reveals, I am officially in girlfriend mode.  No more theory, wanting, wishing or knight in shining armor has arrived...full in living color.

I know you're wondering who he is...Remember Silly Puddy?  Mr. Ringtone? (October 21st)  He (my once secret crush), is now fully (adorably and unbelievably) committed to me.  Yes, the little man in side of me is doing back flips. *blushing*  I wish I could say I can take full credit, but truthfully, we fell in sync so harmoniously I have to look to the heavens as the grand orchestrator of this connection.   He is a dream, and he has driven this relationship and plans for building our future together so sincerely that he leaves me speechless.  He adores things about me no one has ever even noticed before...the bump on the bridge of my nose, the intonation in my voice when I tell a story, and especially my random phrases like "little brown babies" or when I call him "pumpkin".  When he visits my desk in the morning, he calls me "stunning" as if he's never laid eyes on me before. Me...the same old girl, with the same old look every day.  I've been given compliments before, but not like his. "Stunning" was definitely a first...and it makes me melt every time.

But for some reason, although I've leaped out there with him...I'm completely afraid.  I have taken all the other irons off the fire, so he's absolutely the only one, without regret or remorse.  BUT how many times have I landed here? How many times have I fallen quickly into a too good to be true?  The fairytale with the unhappy ending?  Men who fall in love with me quickly, but out of love with me faster?  What the hell am I doing wrong...and what the hell do differently to keep the best one yet?  He doesn't understand my apprehension because he has never felt this way about anyone else.  So here I am scrambling, trying to get my mind right, so my hesitation doesn't adversely affect our relationship and his conviction that we are meant to be...because I want to believe it too.

First, it was my hesitation to put our relationship status on facebook, then meeting our families, and most recently posting pictures of us on facebook.  The CRAZY part is the OLD me, would have been complaining because my guy DIDN'T want to do those things.  And now, when I have a man who does, I don't know how to act!  It's not that I don't want to publicize this incredible connection I have with my pumpkin, it's just I don't want to look like a fool if...well, you know.  So living in our bubble is bliss.  Safe, secure and free from judgement, outside opinions, unsolicited advice and PRESSURE.  I don't want to be asked "Is he the one?" or to be told "Just take your time" or to be questioned about our marriage plan, religious/lifestyle differences and how will we make it work.  I don't want people to distract me from loving my life, and him...from enjoying this moment with my friend who I'm also lucky enough to have as my man.

So as we continue to build and perfect our "we", inevitably I will move closer to bursting the bubble...opting instead to free fall into love with someone who is so deserving.  I'm getting there...I just hope he is patient with me.  But something this great is hard to contain, so I'm sure very soon, I will expose our happiness freely with all who care..  Plus, hiding is for pu**ies anyway, and imma thug. *mean mug, b boy stance*


  1. I love this sis! I completely understand where you are coming from because I felt the same way when I first realized how much I loved my babers! The falling part is hard because we have become conditioned to all the disappointments you mentioned in the post but trust deserve it! You will wake up one day and nothing else will matter but the love and connect that the two of you share; then you won't be able to stop sharing it with everyone you meet (trust me that is where I am now) :)! Muah!

  2. Enjoy every minute of it!! You deserve it no matter how fleeting or long lasting it may in the moment, the happiness is yours to is short and you only live know your heart better than anyone.