The emails were garbage. I ran a quick search and the ex didn't pop up. I laughed to myself realizing the block feature works only when you subscribe. Funny. I know what you're thinking...don't go there. No bad blood...it's just a little painful when he's the most attractive guy that pops up in my search...every time. Ok, "painful" may not be the right word, but I definitely think it's a cruel joke that when I search 1) there's only about 10 men that meet my parameters (3 in the United States) 2) His handsome smiling face is always sandwiched between the shirtless mandingo from the UK and Dave Chappel's homeless looking cousin. Ok, that made me laugh out loud. I think God has a sense of humor.
Anyway, on Day 2 of the free trial I get an email from a familiar face. I.was.shocked. We knew each other from a past life...I was probably 19 and he was in his mid thirties. Nothing romantic, just crossed paths many years ago. Anyway, he hadn't popped up in my search because he's out of my age bracket. And although the email was harmless...it was clear he was reaching out to say more than just hi/bye. I immediately read his profile and I think I fell in love. He was kind, and intellectual...and had me thinking if I could happily be his spoiled tender roni.
I googled him...and fell deeper. I read about his dissertation and publications, his travels and interests. He had a reserve about him that had me enchanted. And although I hadn't ever been attracted to anyone that much older than me, something about him captured me. My girlfriend joked and said he wasn't my type because I like "cool guys"...but hands down his intellect had me at hello. His intellect was my new cool.
We talked over email for a couple weeks, and my mind was twisted. He never expressed any interest in me, or desire for anything romantic...but we did discuss views on marriage and relationships in a very generic way. I'd be a fool if I didn't know he was interested...but he wasn't inappropriate at all...as if he was waiting for me to be overt. However, if I flirted, he didn't flirt back...and slowly I realized I was wrapped up in a real life fantasy!
My mom didn't hate on me when I told her about him...but gradually I think she started to think he was too old. I joked and said "Well, he's not old enough for you to consider him for yourself, so I'm ok." She responded with a drawn out "Wellllll?"
Hold up! Did she just hesitate? OH H-NO! He's in my mother's pool of potentials? Notgonbeabletodoit.
I feel bad because I went from telling the man that I wish I could bake him muffins to take to his office, to taking days to respond to his emails. Horrible right? Gosh I wish he was 10 years younger...if so, I'd add the Mrs. to his Dr. Dynamite in a heartbeat. I'm just not quite ready to consider men who could be my step-daddy. No sir. Throw a ping. on that.