Thursday, October 21, 2010
I told myself I wasn't going resort to digging through the crates again...in search of a Mr. Oldie but Goodie to put back in rotation to pass time. Hell, I even told my girlfriends I was through looking to the past...but there are certain men that just make me melt...the charming charismatic ones that can't be tamed. I know, doomed from the start. But for some reason, the competitor in me draws me to them like a moth to a flame.
This Monday, he walked by the conference room while I was in a meeting. I glanced up the same moment he did. It had been months since we locked eyes. I had made a point to avoid eye contact and act as if I didn't know him since the day I found out he was gaming me. I was more upset at myself for even crushing on him than anything else. I mean, we met at work! And although we work in unrelated departments and aren't breaking any ethical rules...it had catastrophe written all over it. We had only known each other for about a month, but he seemed overly interested, and I started crushing big time.
We met on the elevator one morning before work. He was tall, handsome and very well dressed. My close, gorgeous, very well dressed girlfriend was newly single, and I immediately wanted to set them up. He and I exchanged emails, and instantly a friendship sparked. I was new to the company and he was the second person I met under 30...I genuinely thought we'd be friends...and that he'd be perfect for my girl.
Unfortunately I quickly learned that men don't want to be set up...or at least they don't take it for the compliment intended. When I tried to set up my new work buddy with my FFF (fab, fly friend), it was as if he was obsessed with knowing why I wouldn't date him...why I would want to hook him up rather than get to know him for myself. I confessed that I was looking for someone that shared my faith...his unexpected reply was that his father shared my faith, and his mother did not...and they are still happily married. He was persistent. I was complimented...and soon began to entertain the thought.
We went to dinner one day after work and his phone rang. He frantically reached to silence the ringer but it was too late. Instantly I understood his panic. The ringtone was Drake on auto tune singing "baby you my everything, you all I ever wanted..." I coughed out a laugh in disbelief. "Wow...she has a ringtone?" I ask smiling. He doesn't respond. He drives me to my car in silence, offering no explanation. My pride was bruised, but I had enough dignity not to be THAT chick that starts mouth poppin, neck rollin, finger pointin, or 20 questions askin over ANY DUDE. Before hopping out of his car I asked if he had anything to say. He replied "Have a good night." That day was the last day we made eye contact.
That is, until last Monday...8 months later. 3 days passed after seeing him during my meeting, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was under my skin...and once again I was drifting toward the flame. I sent the first ice breaker email (I know!!) to which he quickly replied. One email turned to 10, and soon he stopped by to see me at my desk...unexpected and uninvited. Not like I minded, but mentally I was NOT prepared (thankfully it was a great hair and wardrobe day, but my mind was in complete disarray). Unlike my ex that looked closer to Sherman Klump the next time I saw him, the work buddy looked FANFREAKINTASTIC. I wish I was lying to you. He looked better than I remembered, and he had gotten a few more gray hairs in his beard. You know I love some salt and pepper in my life. I honestly think my upper lip started to sweat! I tried to play it coy and nonchalant, but I involuntarily turned to putty. I was actually nervous! Over a boy! At 30!
I know I deserve so much more...an explanation, hell an apology for not being honest about baby girl on the other end of the ring tone. All the more reason why my philosophy is against considering men my age...this is all so childish. But there is nothing better than being in the presence of a man who makes your heart skip a beat. Well, maybe there is...it is definitely better to have someone you trust feel the same way about you. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that deep down inside...I still want to tame this one.